Center of the Universe

Its true, I have seen the center of the universe. I know, you science types out there are saying that's impossible, can't be, but I have proof. How? Well, it all started with the software consultant we were using, who was, by the way, a replacement for another software consultant who had been found wanting. After getting off to a good start by making the boss happy and resolving an ongoing problem, trouble set in. She got sick. And then she had the effrontery of STAYING sick. My boss, Ms Flaky New Age Reiki Woman, was casting aspersions right, left and center about the software consultants motives, and had finally settled on her intent to "demand back her deposit."

That morning when she came in, I noticed a newspaper clipping sticking out of her bag. It was an obituary notice for the slacker software consultant! I was horrified, and so was my boss, but for completely different reasons. Apparently my boss was staggered at the unprofessionalism of this person who "couldn't be bothered to advise her clients she was seriously ill." No, I am not making this up. That is a real quote. With her usual efficiency and briskness, Reiki Woman then proceeded to write a letter to the spouse of said software consultant, prefacing it with an expression of sympathy for his loss, and then getting right down to the important part - getting Reiki Woman her money back pronto!

So how does this relate to the center of the universe? Here is proof, that my boss, Reiki Woman, IS the center of the universe. Because if she WASN'T, then this behavior would be nothing short of heartless, selfish and appalling. And that can't be the case, because Reiki Woman is in tune with all beings and the flow of life! She is an "old soul" who has learned many, many life lessons and is not focused on belongings or money. Right? Right???? *excuse me while I throw up*